True life: my sister is 2000000000000x prettier than me

Sometimes i miss you a lot and it sucks because i got used to you and then you were gone an when i think about it more than i should my insides turn all inside out and it feels so much like they’re smothering me and it hurts like every year i have, fifteen fourteen thirteen twelve eleven ten nine eight seven six five four three two and one, they are all stinging my flesh like bees and i tell myself “I’m fifteen it won’t last long enough to hurt you too bad” but it does, it hurts me to the point where i can’t speak because it’s all tangled like a snare in my throat and it makes me so nauseous i can’t breathe because i keep remembering you sighing in your sleep and the way you cared to beg no one’s pardon at all and how i thought those cheeks and wrists of yours would just be the death of me and it wasn’t then but maybe it is now. And i hold my breath sometimes just cause it takes me back to november when I kissed you with such a stupid reckless abandon i never thought i’d be able to exhale again because I was so nervous and fragile and furiously contemplative i just never had my shit together and i think we were a perfect example of that but i tried really hard to pretend like i did know what i was doing and i’m proud of myself for that but you’re all i wanted and i’m sorry it wasn’t enough. I never thought anything could hurt as bad as you did and you did it so blindly and without constraints you just left like there was never a knot in the ropes that bound us together, like you never felt bad about taking the cement foundation beneath my bare feet, you never had qualms with taking from me what little misery i had earned an i know i was supposed to stand tall and be balanced so we could love each other without boundaries or limits but sometimes I get scared and thoughtless and hard to understand and so i think when that happened, when i started to show signs and lose my grip you just left because you thought you’d have to fix me and maybe love me and i understand why you didn’t love me because i don’t know if i loved me either. But you promised me so many things you whispered to me too much it was never real i don’t think you ever meant it but please know that i meant what i said and i tried so hard to teach myself how to use the love that people said you’d made but i was always coming up short and i pretty much still am, i can’t keep that secret anymore because when i sing a song about it, i sing my withered little heart out to the tune of your heart and mine, every chorus is your name and every verse is a little melody of our time together and it hurts so bad to think that it isn’t true anymore, you don’t hold my hand or dream of me or sleep next to me or kiss me or laugh that throaty laugh at me or anything, you don’t even say anything to me and i don’t think i ever really knew the sound because no matter how hard i try i can’t evict you from my bones or let you go and i’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

i absolutely love seeing Wil in his baseball uniform because his bum is just so cute